Sunday, October 7, 2018

Why it is OKAY to love yourself


There has been a lot of awareness around loving yourself. You see it everywhere. From Youtube to Twitter, in books and magazines.
I see and know many people who struggle with their self confidence.
We live in a western society where there is a clear image of how men and women should be. Advertised through magazines and movies.
We want to identify with those people and so we put the high standards to achieve that.
There's also this strange thing going on that companies want to hire young and experienced people.
There's people that feel anxious whether they ever get a job that suits them. They don´t feel good enough.
Next to that Social Media plays a big role in feelings of loneliness, depression and and isolation. It's because there's so much feed about how perfect every one's life's are. We forget that people can present themselves the way they want to and so we compare our lives to that standard.

These are just a few reasons I named that explain our lack of self love.
We tend to seek the love outside of ourselves...
And that is the main problem. We make others responsible for us feeling loved.

Why it is OKAY to love yourself:

1. It is not narcissism

Much contradicitary to the TedTalk I saw the other day about a girl speeching how the 'trend' selflove is creating narcissism, I say:
A healthy image of self, respect of self, and knowing who you are and what you are good at - are core things to function in this world.

2. Equalty

Just because you own self love doesn't mean that you place yourself above others. That is NOT what self love is.
On the contrary: people who take others down do not love themselves.
They need it to feel good about themselves.

What does that tell you about them? Right. You know where I'm going with this.
Loving yourself means you realize that you are equal to others and treat people accordingly.

3. Uplifting others

Self love allows you to uplift others from an honest place. You are not doing it for the sake of being liked by others. It's uplifting others right from the heart. Others benefit from that too.

4. Self compassion

We all have that side we rather not look at. It's when we catch ourselves wishing someone would just drop dead. Then again, that side has to tell us something. It tells us in the very least that someone triggers us. When you sit with yourself and accept all of you, you may find what is underneath the surface. You can find compassion for yourself, understanding that a certain thought or feeling often roots in pain. Bandage that pain through finding that place of compassion for yourself. The only way to do it is to face the music.
You will see that healing and letting go can take place.

5. Treating yourself right

Because of loving yourself, you will treat yourself right.
People know what they have in you, because they know your possibilities and boundaries.
You understand that nurturing yourself through exercise, enough sleep, good food, mindfulness & meditation, and enough you-time is essential to remain a good relationship with yourself and feel healthy. You wouldn't neglect your best friend, so why would you do it to yourself? 

6. Forgiving yourself

Making mistakes as a human being is just inevitable. You made mistakes, and you will make many more. That is okay, because it's a part of life. Learn from your mistakes, and forgive yourself for them too. There's no need to be harsh.

7. What would (self)love do?

I often ask myself this as I am facing challenges in life. A few years ago I got caught up in the midst of a situation at work. It was gossip time. I felt myself getting upset. I don't like gossip as it too much negativity and it often harms others.
Instead of bottling it up, I send around an email and told the team that the current way of communicating bothers me and that I was hoping for a more effective and direct way of communication. I suggested that whenever people where bothered by something, they would tell the person instead of talking amongst each other. Regardless of whether they acted on it or not, I stood up for myself and the team. I choose to not participate or ignore it.

How do you look at the concept of self love? Have you aquired it? Or are you still struggling? Feel free to share your journey <3

Love and blessings,

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