Sunday, October 7, 2018

Why it is OKAY to love yourself


There has been a lot of awareness around loving yourself. You see it everywhere. From Youtube to Twitter, in books and magazines.
I see and know many people who struggle with their self confidence.
We live in a western society where there is a clear image of how men and women should be. Advertised through magazines and movies.
We want to identify with those people and so we put the high standards to achieve that.
There's also this strange thing going on that companies want to hire young and experienced people.
There's people that feel anxious whether they ever get a job that suits them. They don´t feel good enough.
Next to that Social Media plays a big role in feelings of loneliness, depression and and isolation. It's because there's so much feed about how perfect every one's life's are. We forget that people can present themselves the way they want to and so we compare our lives to that standard.

These are just a few reasons I named that explain our lack of self love.
We tend to seek the love outside of ourselves...
And that is the main problem. We make others responsible for us feeling loved.

Why it is OKAY to love yourself:

1. It is not narcissism

Much contradicitary to the TedTalk I saw the other day about a girl speeching how the 'trend' selflove is creating narcissism, I say:
A healthy image of self, respect of self, and knowing who you are and what you are good at - are core things to function in this world.

2. Equalty

Just because you own self love doesn't mean that you place yourself above others. That is NOT what self love is.
On the contrary: people who take others down do not love themselves.
They need it to feel good about themselves.

What does that tell you about them? Right. You know where I'm going with this.
Loving yourself means you realize that you are equal to others and treat people accordingly.

3. Uplifting others

Self love allows you to uplift others from an honest place. You are not doing it for the sake of being liked by others. It's uplifting others right from the heart. Others benefit from that too.

4. Self compassion

We all have that side we rather not look at. It's when we catch ourselves wishing someone would just drop dead. Then again, that side has to tell us something. It tells us in the very least that someone triggers us. When you sit with yourself and accept all of you, you may find what is underneath the surface. You can find compassion for yourself, understanding that a certain thought or feeling often roots in pain. Bandage that pain through finding that place of compassion for yourself. The only way to do it is to face the music.
You will see that healing and letting go can take place.

5. Treating yourself right

Because of loving yourself, you will treat yourself right.
People know what they have in you, because they know your possibilities and boundaries.
You understand that nurturing yourself through exercise, enough sleep, good food, mindfulness & meditation, and enough you-time is essential to remain a good relationship with yourself and feel healthy. You wouldn't neglect your best friend, so why would you do it to yourself? 

6. Forgiving yourself

Making mistakes as a human being is just inevitable. You made mistakes, and you will make many more. That is okay, because it's a part of life. Learn from your mistakes, and forgive yourself for them too. There's no need to be harsh.

7. What would (self)love do?

I often ask myself this as I am facing challenges in life. A few years ago I got caught up in the midst of a situation at work. It was gossip time. I felt myself getting upset. I don't like gossip as it too much negativity and it often harms others.
Instead of bottling it up, I send around an email and told the team that the current way of communicating bothers me and that I was hoping for a more effective and direct way of communication. I suggested that whenever people where bothered by something, they would tell the person instead of talking amongst each other. Regardless of whether they acted on it or not, I stood up for myself and the team. I choose to not participate or ignore it.

How do you look at the concept of self love? Have you aquired it? Or are you still struggling? Feel free to share your journey <3

Love and blessings,

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Why it's important to let go

Have you ever tried taking a hand full of sand and holding onto it by making a fist?
You would notice that the sand slips gradually through your fingers until you are left with not very much of the original amount.
This is what happens when you to try to hold onto things in life with force.
It eventually slips away from you and it makes the whole process more painful than you could have imagined.

I remember I did that with my first real bachelor study, and my first real job. I stayed and I fought with force.
And it hurt a lot.

There's also been friends and lovers that I've seen come and go in my life.
When I broke up with my first real love it was painful, but it was something that needed to happen for the both of us.
As for friends I can say that some of them are just going to be with you for a certain season.
Sometimes you outgrow each other, and then it can be best to go your different ways. When there is nothing positive that remains in a relationship, it hurts more to stay in it, than to let go of it.

A few years ago I took a walk in our beautiful park.
It was autumn, just as it is now.
When I took a break on a bench I noticed how leaves were falling off the trees.
I thought to myself: Isn't it beautiful that nature doesn't ever resist it's natural phases? It never asks the leaves to come back on, because in the spring there will be new growth.

I believe that when you let go of what isn't serving you any longer, you make space for new and exciting things to grow.
As nature does, we have our own phases and it is the perfect time to see what you've gathered in your backpack what you don't need anymore.
Material things, emotional things, relationships, limiting beliefs, situations that do not make you happy anymore.
Let them go.
It is a good time for reflection.
And you are worth the very best!

Ways to let go:


I like visualizing because it's very powerful and when I do one of these it always leaves me with this huge feeling of relief! 

Here is your exercise:

Take a few deep breaths and close your eyes.
Imagine that you are in a safe space such as a room or a forest. It's up to you.
In the middle of this scenery you see an object that contains things. It could be a suitcase, a big box, or a bag.
Open it.
You will find something in this box that symbolizes what you need to let go of.
Ask: "What do you represent? What did you teach me?" Release it from your hands and see how it vanishes.
It could float up, diminish into energy.
Continue with the next object.
See how much you've gathered and how much you are able to let go in one sitting.

Make a list

Maybe you are more practical and you wanna make a list of the things that you are going to let go.
What I'd suggest is list those under the different categories there are and also write down an action you are going to take on it, and when.

Letting go in the moment
Finally I want to devote a special little paragraph to the fearful voice in your head that tells you lies all day.
It's that voice that always holds you back from doing what you want and tells you that you will look like an idiot.
I suggest you may wanna try to name that voice. I named mine Dirty Harry.
I tell Dirty Harry to shut it whenever it's about to get in the way of what I want to do.
Another thing you can try is to reverse the thought completely.
I cannot do this becomes I am brave enough to try this.

Reflection time!
What is it that you've been holding onto that you should be letting go of?
Do you have any special tricks you use? 

Let me know in the comments below.

Love and blessings,