Sunday, August 5, 2018

"Just be you"

There has been a time that the quote: "Just be you", really frustrated me.
It always confused me too, because I didn't think I was anybody else than me.
Until I started to realize that I would adapt and comform to the surroundings I would find myself in. I didn't have this realisation until just recently
There's a past of bullying which had made me greatly insecure.
As well as being a child as the adult version of work place bullies coming from a place of jealousy.
And so, I became more careful. 

With every negative experience I had, I would feel a little less like myself, and became only a version of what I thought the people around me wanted to see. 
In workplaces I would choose to never shine too much or show my real qualities which would lead me to submit to the shadow of other people.
And in my personal life I would always put others before myself. 

Not showing them who I really was, and it lead to loss when people understood that I had my own boundaries. It was because I never showed them before. They found it hard to accept and broke up the friendship. I can't say I blame them, because I showed them a different version of myself. They didn't know what friend they really did have in me.
I remembered a time and a period where I would shine.
I would wake up happy and would do a little dance in my room.
Then I would extend that lightness over to my workplace and the kids, and colleages I was working with. I was doing great. In this period my friendships were more offering more stability as well.
It puzzled me for a long time. Where did that version of my younger self go off to? 

How was I able to let go of the experience of being bullied the first time?
Then one day, I realized I was done being the version of that was adapting constantly.
So, in the midst of a new workplace where I was clearly different from the rest of my colleages I decided: It now is time to just be me.
Then I remembered a 15 year old me. One that had eventually decided to ignore her bullies and walk her own way. One that broke the cycle and refused to be victim.
And somehow that was the trick.
Not giving a flying figs what others thought about me. Realizing their opinions were not as important as what I thought of myself.
I let go of my adapted self. I let go of my past. 

Let me tell you how amazing that feels.
I am now moving forward to new and more exciting opportunities in life.
With fresh courage.
I wanted to share my thoughts about when you feel like you are not quite like yourself anymore and give you some ideas on what to do.

Do things from your heart

Don't just do things just to please others. Especially when you are not doing it 100% from your heart. It eventually leads to resentment of others.

Speak your mind

Something about another bothering you? Do not let these feelings bottle up until you explode. Instead, communicate through 'I' messages. For example: 'I heard you say... that makes me feel... I wish we'd...'

Let go of what others might think

If you are anything like any human being, you are probably a star at filling things in for others. "Now surely they must think I'm ingnorant idiot" "She probably thinks I'm dumb"
Can you read minds? No! The best thing would be to test your theory and just ask what people think. You'll see most of the time it's not even true.
If it does happen to be true, you can choose to let go of it and not invest any further energy into that person. Like I mentioned: it is far more important what you think about yourself after all.


One of the most important things I learned is that it is OK to have boundaries.
Boundaries make that people respect you, and you can show them in a polite way.

Correct your inner critic

We do all have that voice that can make us feel even more insecure. The one that says: "If you do that, they will think that you are stupid. Don't do it!"
Whilst that voice is perfectly helpful in life threatening situations, it isn't very helpful when it comes to daily life. Correct your inner critic with challenging it: "Is this true? How do I know that is true? Do I have prove for that?"

Write down your qualities

You know yourself best, right? Make a list of your best personal qualities and make them into "I am" statements. "I am kind" "I am caring" "I am a loyal friend" "I am a good listener"
Give them a place on your wall or carry one around to remind yourself who you actually are as a person.

Shine on, shine on

Regardless of how others respond to you, never stop shining on!
You are beautiful. Do not step into other people's shadows because you feel like you don't deserve to show yourself. Embrace yourself 100 % and deal with jealous people and debbie downers from a place of compassion. Remember people that react from fear are just as insecure as any of us. Just deal with them head on through communication of the 'I' message.

In conclusion: The only one who can define you, is you!

Has there ever been a time that you struggled with losing yourself?
When was that and how did you deal with this?

Love and blessings,


  1. This is such a beautiful post and something that I can really relate to. I've spent 2018 trying to build myself up and try to find who I really am. Putting boundaries in place. wonderful post - I will have to share this on Twitter. I hope you don't mind.


  2. This is such a great post! I find that I can adapt to my surroundings without realising sometimes too. Not that I'm not being myself, there are just a few versions of me is how I like to think of it. It's always important to know who you are though!! x


  3. Shine on, shine on. Oh I love that. Wonderful post